


I guess I should have let you in

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, mention of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2013-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-30 02:48:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Au: Louis is depressed, Harry loves him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I guess I should have let you in

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is. I just wanted Harry to took care of Louis. I made it happen. Kind of.
> 
> Still as French-Canadian as usual (sorry about that)

Sometimes Louis just wanted someone to hold him. He just wanted someone to be there for him when he was sad, wanted someone to protect him from the cold, he just wanted to be needed. He had wished it during so many years, but nobody came so he lost hope. He just lost his only tie to this world. So when he met Harry, sweet Harry with sparkling eyes, sweet Harry with shy smiles that turned into big laughs, sweet Harry who asked what was wrong; he didn’t believe it was real. He had waited for so long and never had it, so why now and why him? He would leave sooner or later Louis had thought at the time. But he didn’t. He stayed with him; just at the right distance to be far enough and not too close. The thought of letting him in did cross his mind, of course. But at this point he was just feeling like he would ruin him, destroy him, kill him. He was too pure for someone like Louis. Someone like Harry deserved someone like Niall. He deserved someone carefree but loving at the same time. He deserved someone to kiss his cheeks and make him blush. He deserved everything that Louis couldn’t give. So he let the door closed but Harry kept knocking. ‘’ Hi Louis, I bought you tea. No sugar no milk, of course’’ / ‘’ Louis we should totally go watch that new movie and we could go grab dinner before, I’ll pay’’ / ‘’ Are you okay Louis? Do you want to talk?’’ and the answer Louis gave was always no, no, no. And Harry’s eyes began to be less sparkling and sadder and he didn’t smile as much when Louis was around. So Louis thought Harry had finally understood he couldn’t do anything for him. But that night Louis was crying in bed and Harry knocked on the real door of his flat. 

‘’ Lou?’’ he asked after he had opened the door. He always did that even when they barely knew each other. He always fitted in Louis’ life like he was meant to be there, even though he wasn’t. And Louis still tried to wipe his tears and make himself look presentable because that was Harry. And even though Harry would leave soon enough, he was still beautiful and he was still making his heart fluttered. It was silly because Harry was just a mate, a lovely, too nice mate. 

‘’ Lou?’’ His voice seemed stressed. Maybe he had a bad day at work. Maybe he had failed an exam at Uni. What if he had an argument with his mum or sister? He didn’t need to find Louis looking like a mess and ruined his day even more. 

‘’ Hi Haz’’ He tried to make his voice look strong, he really did, but it cracked as soon as he said Harry’s name. He hadn’t meant it, he didn’t want Harry to worry about him because he wasn’t worth the time, he wasn’t worth anything. 

Harry slowly closed his bedroom door and made his way into the darkness. It wasn’t the first time he had been in there. He knew where to go to find Louis’ small figure facing the wall, his fists clenched into a pillow. Harry lied next to him and somehow managed his limbs under the sheets. He circled his arm around Louis’ waist, fitting his face in the nape of Louis’ neck.  


‘’ Is this okay?’’ He whispered as Louis let out the silent tears he was holding since Harry entered the room.  


It was so not okay that Louis wanted to push him out of the bed. Why was he still in his life? Did he not get Louis was beyond broken? That no one could save him from the dark place he put himself into. He was alone, even when they were people around him, he always felt alone.  


‘’ No’’  


Louis felt Harry’s arm leaving his hold on his waist to position itself along his leg.  


‘’ Is this better?’’  


‘’ No.’’  


‘’ Oh’’ Louis cried even more at that because he felt the rejection Harry was feeling but he didn’t get why. He was just Louis, the one that was always alone and always sad. Why was he still there? But the other part of him wanted to turn around and clench to him. He wanted to hold him tight and never let him go. If he was weak enough he would do it.  


‘’ I wish I could make you love me like I love you’’  


It was barely a whisper sending shivers down his spine. Harry was nuts, Harry was dumb, Harry was so _so_ lovely.  


‘’ You can’t love me, Haz’’  


‘’ I do’’  


‘’ I’m a mess’’  


‘’ Let me in’’  


Louis didn’t answer and just clenched more on the pillow he was holding. Harry’s hand left his leg to run through his hair. He felt him breathe against his skin; he didn’t remember having something as comforting in his entire life. Harry’s light touch on his forehead and his entire body surrounding him made him feel safe.  


‘’ I think I’ve been in love with you since the day we met. You were smiling at Zayn and your eyes were all crinkled. I remember I thought: ‘’ One day I’m going to make him smile like that’’. And half an hour later I did. Well, it was because I dropped my coffee into Niall’s laps but still.’’  


Louis didn’t want to, he really didn’t want to, but he turned around to see Harry because he wanted to have it all memorized in his brain to make sure that when he would leave, he would still have the memory to cherish. In the dark, he could barely make out Harry’s features. He lifted one hand into his curls and Harry sighed. Louis' heart was about to explode.  


‘’ You smiled so big at me that day Louis and even though I was embarrassed I felt like it was the best day of my life. And after that we keep bumping into each other and sometimes you smiled at me but more often you didn’t. I thought that maybe you needed a friend, so I bought you tea one day and offered it to you when you were studying. You smiled at me and I swear you even blushed a little. And then you talked to me and I thought _that_ was the best day of my life.’’  


Louis couldn’t help the sob escaping his lips because he didn’t deserve to be told these things. He needed to be left alone like he always had been. Harry kissed his forehead and Louis felt his voice shake when he continued to speak:  


‘’ I was so in love with you, Lou. Niall was so tired to hear me talk about you he almost kicked me out of the flat one night. You were all I was talking about. When I asked you out and you said no, I was completely wrecked. I didn’t get it, I thought you liked me. But you didn’t’’.  


‘’ I did.’’ The words escaped Louis’ mouth before he could stop them.  


‘’ I know, love. Now, I know. It took me a while to realize what was going on. It’s Liam that told me. You were depressed. You shut everyone out of your life. But I couldn’t believe it; I couldn’t believe that someone as bright as you was depressed. It wasn’t fair; someone so nice, so gorgeous, so smart couldn’t be depressed. But you were and it broke my heart. Because it wasn’t me that you didn’t like, it was life.’’  


‘’ Haz’’  


‘’ Yeah, Lou?’’  


Louis buried his face into Harry’s chest and smelled him. It was his Harry, his best friend, his crush, his love. His brain was so fuzzy with it, with him, that he could almost see the light, the hope so deeply buried.  


‘’ Why are you still here?’’  


‘’ I just want you to let me in, I want you to realize that I don’t care if you are sad every single day. I don’t care if you cry or if you want to be alone sometimes. But I want you to let me take care of you, babe, I love you so much since the day you said you played footie and I pretended I was any good.’’  


‘’ You do suck at footie’’ Louis laughed a little.  


‘’ I know! But I wanted you to love me so bad, I needed to do something. That’s why I stopped calling you when you asked me because that’s what you wanted. But Zayn told me you were shutting everyone and I couldn’t stand to know you alone. So I still asked you out to the movies and I still asked you out on dates not only because I wanted you to say yes, but also because I wanted you to know someone cared.’’  


Harry put a tentative hand on his waist and Louis sighed. He didn’t have the force to push him off anymore.  


‘’ I think you are so funny Louis; I can crack myself up just thinking about jokes you said months ago. I think you are very beautiful too, I love the way you looked at me when you think I don’t know, and I love you even though you are depressed Lou. It’s not because you are sad that I won’t love you, I just want to make you smile even more.’’  


Louis lifted his face from Harry’s chest and put one hand on his cheek. It was wet, he just made Harry cry.  


‘’ Why are you crying?’’  


‘’ Because it’s the first time you don’t ask me to leave. And I don’t know if it’s a good sign or if you are just too sad to say anything, but if I need to just talk for you to let me stay I will. Because Louis I need you so much and I know I shouldn’t say this because it’s selfish, but you are what I need Louis. I just can’t imagine my life without you anymore. I want you to let me in’’  


Louis dragged his face closer to Harry’s on the pillow they were sharing. He felt Harry’s lips on his before his brain could even process the thought. It last a few seconds before Harry tracked back, that’s it he’s leaving now Louis thought, before his body was crushed into Harry’s. Louis’ hands fisted the back of Harry’s shirt because he needed this so bad.  


‘’ Just let me in Lou’’  


‘’ I guess I’m gonna let you in’’ 

  


So he let Harry in, slowly at first. He stopped asking why Harry was there and never asked him to leave again. He slowly started saying yes when Harry asked him to go out. He first said yes to a walk. It was fall and the leaves were all colourful and bright. Harry took his hand and Louis let him in. He let Harry kissed him at Christmas when they were under the mistletoe. Harry had giggled about it because he was tipsy when he had asked Louis for a kiss. When Louis had nodded, Harry’s eyes crinkled with so much joy it made Louis want to see it again. So after that he asked Harry to kiss him again on New Years Eve. When Harry whispered ''I love you so much'' into his ear, Louis replied the same. They made love shortly after that. Louis always found it cheesy when people called sex that way. But with Harry that was really what it was. Slow kisses, whispers inches away from skin, promises, so many promises. Harry looked at him like he was the sun and Louis hold onto him like he was the moon. He didn’t want to let go. He finally had found what he was looking for all those years. And it was right beside him.


End file.
